Where were you?

It was September 11, 2001 and I was driving in my car on my way to work, listening to the radio, and thinking, "There joking. This is some sick joke." Then, with horror, I realized it was the truth. I got to work and we turned on the television. I was watching the news and watched as the second plane flew into the second of the Twin Towers. I saw the images that they won't air anymore. The people jumping from the falling and burning buildings. The images are emblazoned in my memory. The feelings, every moment of that morning lives on in my memory. I will never forget. I will never forget what we're fighting for, or why. May God bless the USA!

Brilliant!

We've all gotten those emails that talk about how we can get gas cheap again, like, "Don't buy gas at stations, "X", "Y", & "Z", or the whole not buying gas on a certain day of the month (none of which actually work), well I got another email (that I almost deleted before reading) that said something like, "Fw:How to make gas cheap again!. Well, I'm glad I listened to that little voice and read it, because I was hit with something new! Finally something that made sense to me and something that I had pondered for years. Like lightening through the night sky, it was a burst of brilliance!
For those of you who have not hear of Pickens Plan, let me introduce you (be sure to check out the website). A man by the name of T. Boone Pickens has started the ball rolling on getting our planet healthy again, and on getting our energy source from our own country, and making it affordable. Here is a quote from the website, "America is blessed with the world's greatest wind power corridor and abundant reserves of clean natural gas. The Pickens Plan will utilize these tremendous resources to build a bridge to the future — a blueprint to reduce foreign oil dependence by harnessing domestic energy alternatives and buying time for us to develop even greater new technologies." Go on and read it. Get informed and then get on the bandwagon. There is hope and I believe that this WILL work! There is power in numbers, spread the word!

The Result of my Quest

It is POURING outside right now. That doesn't really have anything to do with my post, but I thought I'd share. Wow, I can barely hear the keys on the keyboard over the rain. WHOA! It just made our motion detector turn on. I REALLY hope our house doesn't flood! Okay, onto topic. I posted a while back about my quest to find the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe for my family, and by a small twist of fate, I did! I've tried all the recipes friends have given me, and even a few I've found in random places, but it wasn't until Mike was in charge of desert one night that I found it. He couldn't decide what to get for desert, so he bought an assortment of brownie mixes and a bag of chocolate chip cookie mix. Well, a month later, I finally used the cookie mix, and viola! Betty Crocker Chocolate Chip cookie mix is it! I honestly felt guilty at first, like I was cheating, but I've gotten over it as I've eaten the cookies, and SAVED money by making them this way. So there you have it. My quest is over and I invite everyone to try "my" chocolate chip cookies!

Hardest Post

In a way, this hardest post has two meanings. For those of you who have ever built a fence, you'll understand my analogy. Sometimes you encounter a post that for some reason, is just harder to set than the others. Perhaps it's because the ground is harder there, or sometimes it's the post-the piece of fence itself. Well, that's what I am. I am the hardest post. The Lord has tried to put me where I needed to be, but because of my stubbornness, He had to work harder to get me where I needed to be. When building a fence, you can always get that hardest post in the ground, it just takes a little more effort, a little more sweat, a little more work. The hardest post is me, but it is also how I feel about this post. This is the hardest post I've ever made. It has taken me several days to finally sit down and type it. Not because I question the decision, but because I know how it affects everyone else. While it may be hard for me (though I've made it harder than it had to be), I know it can be and is harder for others.
In order to fully understand the outcome, I'm going to share some personal things with all of you. I'm doing this more for myself than for anyone else though. It reminds me of what I already know, and it helps me to heal. You all already know how I feel about St. George. Being away is hard. I miss my friends and family there so much it is painful at times, but the Lord has blessed me as I've turned to Him for comfort. It is my desire to be in St. George. For quite a long time now, that has been my strongest desire-which was wrong. My strongest desire is now, and must always be to do the will of the Father. If I had not been so stubborn, perhaps I would have realized my folly before it became so painful. But, as with most things, I had to reach the absolute bottom of the pit before I realized I had fallen so far. I was in a free fall, spiraling out of control. I was depressed, angry, and resentful. I had let Satan wrap his fingers around me and pull me down. The worst part is that I knew it and I wasn't even fighting. I just gave into it. I was so consumed with moving back to St. George, that I wasn't being the kind of wife and mother that I want to be, that I MUST be. I was absolutely miserable, because I was HERE instead of there. Then something started to happen. A little bit of light started to break through the blackness with which I had encompassed myself in. I started to get little pin-pricks of realization. That I was the one responsible for being happy-that it wasn't the fault of where I was. I read some friends blogs that talked about how the only thing we can really ever give the Lord is our will, and about how important it is that we do that. Then another about confusing hope with faith, and that "faith is taking that first step into the darkness, and hoping the light will follow." So I was thinking about that, and then a friend came over and saw me in all my "glory" (I'm sure it was pitiful) and she told me that I needed to snap out of it and be happy. She understands completely how I feel, because she too was there not long ago. So I accepted her advice, and for the first time in a while, I let go of some of the darkness and let in the truth that was being pushed at me, and I cried. I cry a lot, but when I was allowing the feelings of anger to stay with me, I didn't feel the range of emotions that I normally do, and for about a month, I hadn't cried. So the emotional flood gates opened, and I purged (cried-a lot). It was very cleansing, freeing myself from Satan's grasp. Then I was finally in a place where I was humble enough to truly turn my will over to God (not an easy thing to do), and then the most amazing thing happened. I felt peace. For the first time in SUCH a long time, I felt peace. The burdens that I had been carrying around (because I was too stubborn to let them go) were gone. What a difference it has made in our home, in our family, in me.
I realized that this is where the Lord wants me right now, or else I wouldn't be here, and that this is where I need to be happy at. Mike's boss has talked to him about making him a manager here, and it would be good for us. We're going to stay here for a little while. His company is opening another D.C. in the northwest in 2010, and Mike would like to transfer as the DP manager there and open that D.C. He has a really good shot at that if we stay here until then. So that's what we're going to do. And I'm going to be happy here. I still get sad sometimes, because I get lonely for my family and friends, and it still hurts sometimes, but I can bear it now. The Lord has eased the burdens which are upon my shoulders even that I cannot feel them. (Mosiah) I know that this is the best decision for my family, and I know that the Lord will bless us as we do HIS will.

SIS

My incredible and awesome friend, Kourtney, has joined up with her sis Kris, and together they have created Saying It Simply (SIS). Check out their blog and see all the cute stuff they make and what they give away. If I had my wish, I'd buy one of everything!

Going HOME

I've lived in many places through out my life, but only two make me say "home". One is the place of my birth, Port Angeles, WA. It still claims a piece of my heart. The way the waves roll into the shore. Sitting on a driftwood log and losing yourself to roll of the ocean. The way the salt air breeze feels against your cheeks. The cool rough sand under your feet. The trees that make you feel like you're being protected by stoic giants as you walk through the forest. The beauty of the mountains reaching toward the sky, purely majestic. I can go on..and on...and on. How could I not love that place that brings so many warm memories to my soul on those long nights, and days. Then, there is my "home", my St. George. I moved there with my mom after my parents divorce and went to college there for a while. It was then that I first realized that it had captured my soul somehow, and it was, for me, home. I was blessed enough to return to live there with my hubby and our children, and now as we are away for a while, it is the memories of the peace and belonging my soul feels when I am there, that keeps me looking forward, forward to the day when we can go "home" again. The red hills that hold beauty and mystery, the lush green in the desert, the beautiful temple on a hill in a valley, the crisp air that breathes life into you. I can't even put into words the way I feel when I'm there, other than to say, "I've gone home". The peace is almost palpable, it surrounds me and fills me. It is where I belong. There, with my family, that is home.
Here are some pictures I took while the kids and I were in St. George for two months this summer. The kids and I missed Mike horribly (he came for the 4th of July and we went to his HS reunion in AZ, then he came again the end of July and drove us home), but it was so wonderful to be in St. George, that it still tore at our hearts, especially mine, to leave.







It's not just the place I love so much though. It's our family and friends that really make it what it is. Here are some photos of the girls with their friends and our family and "family". We had a great time and can't wait to do it again...hopefully we'll be there for good this next time!

Back

We're back. We ended up staying in St. George longer than what we had planned. Mike flew up for the 4th of July and we went to his HS reunion in Arizona. Then, instead of driving home, he flew and the kids and I stayed for another. He flew up the last of July and then we headed out. So we got home Monday. I'll add pics and more later. I didn't have internet access while I was there, so sorry I didn't call Julie and Laura! I know, I'm lame, but time flies. We're hoping to be moved back there by the end of the year and I solemnly promise to see those that I missed while I was there! It was wonderful and I can't wait to move back "home"!